October 12, 2011

It seemed like a good time to check in. My issue today is why does it seem like I am not getting anywhere?? I know that’s not entirely true, it’s just that this is a very slow process. So where is it that I want to be? Why am I unsatisfied with where I am now? Let’s recap for a second….. I want to be working in clay full time….hmmm, I already do that… I want to show my work in good galleries….ok, I have some of those and I am working on adding more. In fact, I am meeting with Liz tonight to go over some good galleries that could potentially carry our work AND we’ll be drinking a beer while we work. That’s all good. I want to do some performance work in addition to the clay work- OK, you are working on the Day of the Dead Show to be performed at the end of this month! I want to do more clay workshops with hospice. I am currently enrolled in hospice facilitator training….. It’s all happening so what’s my problem? I have zero patience and I am trying to do too much. I think that’s it. I am living my dream, the money kind of trickles in, but it’s flowing in not out-that’s good. I am fully fed and my home is secure. There is an underlying frustration and stress that I’d like to get at. There just doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day to do all I want to do or make the money I’d like to make. I know this mindset is troubling. I will be doing a residency at Watershed next spring and the topic is One Woman, Mother, Spouse, doing it all. This topic is rich. The idea of how a woman juggles a creative career, children, and relationships is fascinating. My kids are 10 and 13. There’s alot of running around and I have joint custody with my ex. It’s still alot of work! I might have to make a list of my priorities and cut some things out, but what can I cut out? Friends? That seems crazy, but that seems to be what is happening lately. I just can’t be as social as I once was….or…I need to combine social and “networking”. At any rate, there needs to be some organization to help me manage all these aspects. Maybe I need to look at how much I take on at a time. I know that the stress is not good for any of us. Yoga has been very good for me, but even now I feel like I don’t have time for yoga and that seems counter-productive to the way I’d like to live. We are heading into holiday season and I am a little nervous about my mental health. I think the other missing piece is that I’ve been so busy promoting my work and delivering pots etc. that I don’t have my hands in the clay. The clay is really what heals me and keeps me grounded. How does one person do it all? Male or female? Is there some magic schedule that I don’t know about? I’m doing a show with the Maine Crafts Guild in November a week after my performance, AND having and Open Studio 2 weeks after that. Maybe that’s too much in addition my beautiful kids, a terrific relationship, hospice training, and the steady march of the holiday season….. Did I mention I teach classes? Hmmm. I’ve gotta think about this. Any ideas? Helpful hints?

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